when i was in 3rd grade there was this girl named sydney who was really nice but everyone thought she was weird cause she was obsessed with horses and were kinda mean to her but anyways she let me borrow her aragon books an i could only read like 5 pages of that shit cause it was so boring, and she was like, i know you didnt read my aragon book, i mirror watched you last night and since then ive been absolutely fucking terrified
same year we had a zoo field trip, she and her mom offered to take me so i felt like i had to repay her so
i stole a fuck ton of snacks from everyones lunches
while they were feeding the elephants then i asked her mom if we could eat in the canopy zone away from everyone else and i gave them all the snacks & her mom was like “are you a mischievous spirit that my daughter has befriended ??” i was like no im a third grader … right after that they moved. i think its my fault
They probably watch you occasionally to this day
she fucking better she said she would protect me from imps
without American politics changing after 9/11 we wouldn’t have seen michael sheen in good omens
…explainnn
america’s response to 9/11 caused my chemical romance to form in protest
mcr inspired stephanie meyer to write twilight
twilight gets a movie deal
michael sheen gets casted as aro in the twilight films
a reporter asks michael sheen why he’s in such a silly film series for such a silly genre
michael sheen defends the genre publicly and cites neil gaiman’s works
neil gaiman hears about this and reached out and they go to dinner and eat illegal octopus
neil gaiman and michael sheen become friends
years later neil gaiman finally gets to adapt good omens for tv and casts michael sheen as aziraphale
Little girl teaching her cats how to draw a flower
they’re? just? sitting there ???
it makes it 100% better that i can’t understand her, i feel like i’m hearing what cats hear
Heh, she’s speaking Portuguese! Here’s what she’s saying:
*baby voice* “… and if you have any questions, just ask me! And now… yeah. And now you draw the roots. You draw them all twisted up! Got it? A flower? Now draw it. Did you get it, Luis Roberto? Did you get it, Jurandir? Look. Did you get it? That’s how you draw a flower.”
Luis Roberto and Jurandir are people names (Jurandir is especially a name associated with older men) so it’s extra funny that the cats are named that, heh.
My family has started calling my cat "the beast" which is very funny considering she's a 19yo arthritic old lady who needs help up and down the stairs. Not to mention she doesn't really meow any more, just sits and stares at you, and im the only one who can reliably guess what she wants, so my parents are constantly messaging me "The beast awakens... I know not what she desires 😥😥" i feel like the chosen prophet of an eldritch god
Nay, verily... I have noted the position of the stars, and determined rather that The Beast Hungers... for her nightly plate of wet food
It's gonna be such a funny mess when Donald Trump dies of a stroke on April 1st, 2024.
- Naturally everybody will think it's fake because of the date only to lose their minds (both positively and negatively based on their opinion of trump) when realizing it's real
- There will be massive celebrations in the streets and on social media and lots of predictable "don't speak ill of the dead" discourse about those celebrations
- Weird evangelicals will pull some weird number trick talking about how Jesus was conceived on April 1st and that makes Trump a sort of messiah and people will make fun of that
- The Republicans (after they're done with the faux-sadness and faux-outrage) will stomp over each other to be his successor but none of them will succeed. They'll tear each other apart and have no single nominee for the November elections.
- There will be discourse about if Biden and the living former presidents should go to his funeral (they won't, he was a traitor insurrectionist)
- The Ukraine-Russia War immediately goes in favor of Ukraine as morale in the Kremlin is reduced. China similarly backs off from its threats on Taiwan.
- Ten thousand new memes are made, some sticking around for years to come.
- Not a month later a bunch of unofficial biographies of Trump hit the bookshelves, many with new details about just how awful he was.
Like to charge, reblog to cast
Honestly? They had me at "Trump dies".
I like how you said “when” and not “if” is there something you wish to share with the class?
Yes, it's called self confidence.
This better be true or else I'm personally killing trump myself
This better be true
or else I’m personally
killing trump myself
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
i have an angel and devil on my shoulder but also a third guy who just tells me to do strange gayboy shit thats not really good or bad per se but it will make everyone in my life think im weirder